Superfluous.

it is the rain that pours down to the sound of melancholic misery. the droplets riddled with blank expressions from the despair that emanates from the ground. each calculated fall hits the dreams of many a disturbed cadaver. and yet i seek refuge here away from the incessant mornings and nights. deluge of galleries are built to house the pointless words that litter the wispy clouds.

it is to make believe we are perfect.

spinning around the same speeches of apparent intellects that do not matter and do no good. and when you find the pinnacle of such behaviour, there is no surprise when people pander. to demise. to exploitation. knife me in and watch the writhing with intent as the blades of grass die from the spill of pandemonic perception. while faceless laughter echo into the depressions of whom it may concern, clinging onto the crutches hoping to live longer and bigger.

sick and deprived of my fear, sleep again.

and again i have fallen upon asphyxiation when questioned over and over again, why. Open wrists bleed profusely for malpractice of thought. Junctions crossed have become dim and the lunatic shivers a whole new meaning. attempting desperately to smother the learning of revolution. the multiplicit nature of tears cause them to be deemed expendable. nobody hears you moan like a whore and your supposed wounds no result of hate.

do you recall the veins that were severed in silence and the cries of wanting to be heard?

there is no apparent end to this madness and the cultural conditioning is wasted as the signs are not read anyway. you must have been tearing the clones down as you stand next to all the other rats. masses of late replies weigh down the hands. everywhere a wheezing cough completes the birth cycle as it revolves with much less. the alleged evolution of humility.

We have yet to see it.

just as we hoped for more of less, we are trapped stalking the ground forever fragmenting whatever life left in the core. the crescent shaped dams block the real flow of the elements that mirror bursts of epiphany. sway now towards the salvation that is escape. pull the pin and bite down hard to cleanse the sin. i remain, after all this, the anomie in this anomaly.

Lies. Time is up.

the leaves of my plants look like claws in the shadows
i lie on the bed waiting for them to tear my flesh
wanting to bleed my way through to epiphany
yet the waiting, is much more of hell than i have experienced

the darkness of the eyes is one of few
yet my creativity has conjured up more than i can suffer
the societal markers chisel me into one of lacking
one who doubts himself over the tiniest of details

i look into the reflection of my own eyes and see despair
a falling person whom i am unable to reach
a person drowning in the black waters of my hatred
trying to save what is left of my accepted intelligence

yes. accepted. not by me. by my inability to everyone else
i cannot bring myself to endure such low levels of capacity
i possess none that is desired and desire what no one can offer
i am not ahead in my own time and severely lagging behind

i am sick and tired of the various masks i feel i need to wear
the endless beautifying of myself to lie to everyone else
the rapid changes in my literal abilities to suit needs
to hold myself responsible for deeds i need not fulfill

i do not love myself enough to accept my fucking flaws
i do not hate myself enough to slit my wrists to taste my blood
i do not love myself enough to access the inner god i know i posses
i do not hate myself enough to have the courage to love myself

caught in between this nothingness is worse than being me
worse than this desolation i visit every night with open eyes
decaying, not physically, but everything else is
turning a blind eye to the fact that this is happening

forcefully lying to myself. to lie even more about myself.

to myself.

clock chimes can be heard.
time for redemption is over.

time to let the steel taste my flesh.

Failure.

your obsession with tears will be the death of me my love. for i am comfort as best as i could be. come sleep in my arms and let your tears tell the stories that you have mashed up in your saturated mind. i am there my love, watch the candles flicker as i walk past your aura to settle in a corner, studying your omnipresent emotions. be my comfort as you hum a familiar tune that will prove serenity true to me. why do you deny me the walk down the road you so often visit?

why do you so selfishly suffer alone? let me slit my wrists for my blood to be the stream that you will float upon to liberate you of your worst nightmares. drift through the black night that will drown you fears and let it be known that i mean for only you to live through this life i have created. all i ask for is those hands that caressed me to the deep slumber i awoke from. those hands that touched my skin in my times of needs and acceptance. those hands that were damp from my tears that dropped from my deepest depths of misery. but you have hurt those hands and the blisters are from the vengeance of many. No my love. leave thy hands to heal. for thou shall not damage that which is my only hope of transcending this societal hell that is post modernity. No my love. Not now. Not ever.

why would you bring this confused state upon me? the little pleasures that prolonged the timeline in which we endured less and less of them as we progressed towards the future that was always bleak. sharing similarities with our thoughts and thoughts about similarities between the parallel lines that resembled us. why now my love? do you leave to relieve me of my pain, or yours? do you leave to make certain the views of the faceless that we would not be? do you leave to make certain the lies and deceit i feared when you were material? no i cannot forgive you. the roses that i planted so meticulously to grow to the contours of your countenance now wither away without your sustenance. you have killed my roses that bloomed only on my command to your walking past my area of rest. now they rest forever, not able to give off the velvet scent that filled my sanctuary. the luscious petals have fallen to the ground lifeless.

you have failed me. so miserably.

the void i turn to when i am alone, told me the truth.

you have failed me, because i have failed you.

For this moment.

and i work relentlessly over the roads of her material skin. for i have been lost for quite sometime, searching through the darkness being blind for most of my past. i try to contemplate a future without most of her, forcing my myself through the colourless nightmares to be rid of this burden. it has become a feat of enormous proportions each time i attempt to mock my own facts of truth present in my brain. my tears, while already dried up, has formed puddles of black leaving a lasting impression of dread.

why the constant torture lonesome leader? do you enjoy these moments of nothingness? do you find meaning in the wallowing in your own self pity? do you crave this vile display of being? why attempt to fucking fathom such extremes?

i will never understand you, and me.

for which both, at the very core, are the same.

Angels and Demons.

angels and demons.


me and her, the core binary that baffles the conscious mind.

she and i, cease to exist among this overrated society. i have stood shoulder to shoulder with this woman i deem to be whole in my heart. she knows my exterior shields her from most intruders, but my internal structure is falling apart. the bruises sustained from the years of absorbing the hate and dishing it out on the walls that surround it. inevitably it has taken its toll on the mere flesh and blood. the scars visible can be used as a map to find the portion of my heart that has been breached and bleeding.

but i will never falter or come of as weak in front of her. as i am that pillar of strength she relies on to have strength. i am the poetry she fails to see in the sky. i am the literature she cannot find on any book or paper.

angels and demons all come to see me. what i deserve, has come to choose me.

what of her?

relentlessly gazing into the mirror that reflects the truth, is a lie. she would have done the right thing, if she did not know that it was to feel this way. she hopelessly pores over the pages of my journal and continues brushing the droplets away in case it damages the already fragile manifestation of me. she knows that the closest thing to feeling me again, were those words that had been penned down during frustrations of an unforgiving mind. plagued by the mysteries of the parallel relationship of the distance between her and me.

evil and good.
hate and love.
anger and serenity.
demons and angels.

you and me.

she looks up from the defining memoirs and gazes upon the fake reflection. vitreous is her countenance, when she longs for my touch.

i could not dominate my demons, and she did not embrace the angels.

Efflorescence.

when a flower blooms,
i will find her.

and if overwhelming aura can be felt,
i will see her.

and if unmistakable passion is absolute,
i will hear her.

and if intense sensuality is sensed,
i will smell her.

and if sanguine pleasures are imminent,
i will taste her.

so i have spent eternity in an hour. gazing upon star after star. smiling after every numbing episode of happiness brought upon me by you. and yet you mock my emotional conviction, eluding my grasp like the mist that the morning exhales. the countdown clock in my chest runs down with every breath drawn from the innocent air. i awake cautiously just to see if i can steal a glance of the efflorescence of your blood red escada.

alas, that moment passes on.

and so have you.

Presence. (part two.)

in time the leaves wither away, leaving the bleak looking horizon. walking amidst the misty night leaving footsteps and trails of thoughts behind. the lazy wind caressing her long tresses revealing her pale countenance. why would she walk alone? why would she smile in this solitude created by me? why would she be walking towards me?

i watch intently my chest gradually swelling with confusion. i am driven to madness in her simplicity of the world. i am deeply affected by her careless insight to the chaos that revolves in these times.

she plucks the only velvet rose in her garden. the rose turns a darker red as she brings it to her lips and kisses it. the satisfaction spreads from her eyes to the chilly air. still she continues as though burdened by a mission to complete a journey. when the walls of my abode barricade her every thought and her every whisper.

i am watchful of her fond behaviour to nature. i do not house so much of nature for the mere purpose of nature itself. i have countless dreams of her every emotion. how do i hold on to such beauty without giving in return? how do i answer her every tear drop when it starts to rain?

she looks into the sky and blinks thoughtfully. and then, it hits her, the first few drops of clarity. she spreads her arms in attempt to catch every possible drop. she stands in the rain almost motionless closing her eyes to hear the pitter patter.

I study this calm expression with awe. standing still, i embrace all of her like i would a child. i bring my lips to her ears, and i call.

i do call.

her ears bleed, but the wounds are not present.

the realisation occurs. the wound was never in her, it is embedded within me as i open my soul.

i have bled myself dry and i have not a word left to speak.

she cannot hear me.

Presence. (part one.)

so she must walk. and so she walks.

so she must cry. and so she cries

so she must leave. and so she leaves.

but where does she go?

it is perhaps best that i do not know. for in pursuit i will go. anywhere.

the illusion of the one that should be, is dominant. therefore i am nowhere, but near her.

She will answer me.

if i call.

would i?

Fragmented desideratum.

she looks at me with weary eyes. though her age is stereotyped with exuberance and the luxury of time, her eyes prove other wise, worn down with heavy shoulders and brittle hair. the years of envy and curses that fly by her head have taken its toll on her craved upon vibrance.

she screams in massive thoughts. yet she smiles and overflows with magnanimity. she provides sanctuary to the vile form, that is me. they see the dirt that encompasses my essence. yet she repeatedly tells me through fragrant flowers that i am the diamond that need not be polished. what would i have given for the flowers not to wilt?

everything. everything but her.

the stale smell of the dead and dried petals linger on into my many nights of insomniac memories. reminding me of the well and loved, but now dead and wilted passion that once filled my carapace. the gutter beckons my material body as the chains of post-modernism tear through my skull. knowledge of the revolving world crams my already saturated brain. do i even try and sort my thoughts to clear my mind? never. afraid to lose the few moments i have spent with you. with her.

she. her. you. you fucking obsessive loner. do you not know she does not know you? stop this fucking whining and move on down the path you have dug. clear the way and look up for a change. just look. do you not know she does not bat an eyelid to your tiny existence?

ahh but i do.

but the longing i have for her, is sustenance itself. she sits elbows on knees, and cries the tears which i have shed.

you do not know.

but i do.

Desideratum.

i am lost in the sea that is my words. i cannot seem to recollect where the end begins and where the beginning ends. where, is the needs that i want. the wants the elude my grasp.

complete me.

they do not touch the surface that is me.

you do. complete me.

Forgiveness/Freedom

so she trembles at the candle light, hoping for relief at the sight of the bright beauty it emanates. feeling relentlessly cold at the surface skin shivering at the sight of thoughts, which permeate the soul saturating the aura with holes.

the icy wind howls at the window sill, as if to plead for acceptance and embrace while the rain knocks on the frosted glass. pupils dilated with the darkness encompassing the proximity of the room she built with her heart.

the melancholic sounds waves being spread into the air by the gramophone completes the scene in which she depicts from the depths of her imaginations. colouring the empty spaces with what little dreams she conjures through the chaos of nightmares that has been imposed on her.

she picks up the pencil that has been ridden with bite marks and slowly draws lines. lines which gradually appear to be words. and words slowly put together to form the sentence which bores her skull with passion.

forgiveness, is right where you faltered.

-

she tears the piece of paper and blows it from her palms to watch them gracefully float onto the wooden floor. in this, she sees the enlightenment of herself, and with this she feels the freedom within the solitude.

overwhelming love is only a mark of being humane; and with this, she exhales the hurt and begins to tear. tears filled with loss and hate and frustration.

as dawn in the distance breaks, her face denied of perfection before, is now with seen with closed eyes, and the hint of a smile at her luscious lips. the ice melting on the windows lets in a streak of sunlight. the torn pieces of paper, now together again, read,

you are free.

Bloodlines/Saviour.

so the sketching is incomplete by the artist. she dawdles purposefully, aiding her hope for procrastination, leaving responsibility to linger on into the echo. Gazing upon damaged recollections with slight affection, to console the guilt.

maimed and cursed at for the inadequacy. yet playfully, she toys with their minds fully aware of the power and influence the unfinished product possesses. gracefully, she carves over the previously healed wounds.

blood trickles down her freshly cut wound on her bottom lip. she kisses the blade and slashes the canvas, leaving trails of blood. to no ones' astonishment, it spells out her desire. she lies there like a crumpled heap wearily, the warm taste lingering in her mouth.

despite the overwhelming feeling of loneliness and fear, the self confidence never leaves the realm, where her limitless potential is conjured. as she stands up gaining composure, she grabs the merciless blade; blood visibly dried upon its surface, and plunges it through her palm.

shrills of her voice is heard throughout the spatial volume that surrounds her. and yet she screams not in pain, but to realise that the time for her penance is at an end.

she draws the blade from its flesh encompassed home, and throws it towards the wall where it fastens itself. the blood trails paints the concrete wall leaving lines that represent the now severed veins that gush life. with this, she takes her brush, touching it on the trails, attempts to finish the portrait.

-

plagued by disturbed dreams, she arose as my saviour. while i remain the prince of desolute decadence and decay.

yet she is left in peace not, for she is chained down to prevent my release from my pandemonium of pain. she looks upon me for hope, yet i cannot provide so.

for i have the barriers of many. i tear at my own flesh to seek what i believe i am to possess.

she reaches out to me with ease, yet my hands are weighed down by the weight of millions, of thoughts and desires. i look to redeem myself in her presence, but am prevented by the devil, within me.

release me!

make me re live those moments. await my arrival. i will not leave.

in the rattles of the endless darkness, there is not life, but her.

Take my hand.

and then there was one
who held hands and loved touch
stroked ear lobes to calm
stood shoulder to shoulder

and then there was one
who kissed with pleasure
who touched lips just to feel home
palms on shoulder blades to eliminate proximity

and then there was one
who sat from afar intent on watching
intimidated by the meeting of eyes
sketching a beautiful picture in time

and then there was one
who spoke outwardly, inwardly
studying her feet for an escape
while a musical played in her mind

and then there was one
who moulded into art itself
abstract of a perfectionist in action
yet remained oblivious to the other

and then there was one
whose mirror was imminent and essential
playing to even the little details of self indulgence
and claimed we, and meant i

and then there was her
who killed me with passion
who brought colour and beauty in speech
who loved with no limits
who kissed with love and touched with love
who lay beside me with no qualms
who perfected the art of talking, without words
who bit by bit tore away at my mind
who invaded personal space relentlessly
who guided the light towards me
who perturbs me infinitely

who aided me to transcend

who willingly danced me to euphoria.

now,

take my hand.

Lost.

vile is her exterior
she shows to all
creeping to frighten
yet ever so demure

festing black debris surround her
pale white skin plays down her pretty
countenance of peace she emits
life of disarray and cold

deserted life and alleyway
her sanctuary of absent friends and family
oblivious, but purposefully, she is to the defect
it's obvious nothing is left

cul de sac are her eyes

lost in the serenity of her touch
lost in the song of her lullaby
lost in the calming of her lips
lost in the eternal peace of her desirable mind
lost in the alley, shes created.

lost.

in the alley, that created her.

Absolution.

her hands firmly clasped against it
green stalk signifying the age
the inevitable moment arrives
as her blood trickles down her knuckles

painting the petals with her own
words going astray in time
amused she is with it
as the drops of dew dilute

i cup my hands in exasperation
saving every drop from contamination
they hit my palm a lighter shade
my tears reaching them as they do

it is as if she willfully paints my tears
smiling at my thoughtful frown
offering me existence unto her
inviting my mortal sin, of being

she eases the grasp on the stalk
as she eases her grasp on the sinner
she takes a step backwards as she smiles
and leaves me haunted by her

you stay kneeling on the dry ground
puddle of life in palms of thy hands
lost in the rippling of the moment
painting, once again, the path for another

she will remain timeless

the penance will be brought upon

beg the ground she treads upon,

for absolution.

Her eyes, her life, her plight, my wife.

She is crumbling in my arms
the smeared mascara that runs in my veins
once vibrant, her hair is brittle
as she falls into me

there is an infinite place in her head
a place where she cowers in shame
where she is free of all blame
where it's perfect for death to play

her eyes have lost its faith
the truth her eyes have betrayed
the life of the living damned
she is forced to portray

as young as she has been
she has always been old
all the beauty in the world
she had tried to mould

gone are the ways she can be forgiven
gone are the days in which death is forgotten
gone are all the Mays' in which we anticipate June
gone, says He, the one with providence

She defies me, for i am daring.

as far as i've gone
i haven't gone far
as near as you are
you always remain far

unfurling the crumpled paper to read the inevitable
yet she still looks at me softly
regret is fundamental to change
never for healing

gazing into the white screen of my movie

what is need? do i need you?

but why?

i've always returned to you
you've always waited for me
but, that was.

she wills me a look of defiance
i perceive what she conjures in restless dreams
she burns the code in me
she screams erratically

i dare you to
look at me
i dare you to
fall for me

i dare you.

all i have now,
is my will to be willed.

Memoir ice.

Memories start to flow. Overflow. Aching is too much to endure. Pain is on the inside. Pain inflicted on the outside is just exterior, but on the inside, excruciatingly starts at the centre and it escalates to the outer side making you feel it inside your bones. Makes you want to break down so hard you couldn’t stand up anymore. Inhuman magnitude of strength needed to subdue oneself from losing control, from losing their mind improbable.

I can’t forget. I don’t want to, for you are tattooed to my soul. I beg the divine powers that hold me down, to loosen the barb wire tied around my chest, piercing my skin, to help ease the pain on my wings. Bleeding is draining away my life source. Pandemonic dreams made out of you is erratic and violent. Deluge of explicit moments in time in which I have supposedly spent with you is the omni-present movie etched into my brain. So much fear is imminent the moment it gets dark because I am afraid to close my eyes. I am afraid to shut the light because I am afraid to fall into that disturbing and deep slumber. I am afraid to sleep because I am afraid to delve into the familiar places in my mind. Only reason being the montage of torture has been set to replay.

I only want to hold you in my arms, see you smile, to run my hand through you're hair, to smell you, to caress your smooth skin, to run my fingers down your neck and gradually to your luscious bosoms. To make you feel that you're wanted. I desire your acquiescence for my ardent behaviour to even the slightest bit of you. I hope to tell you that you are loved so hard that if I loved you any more, my heart would stop from the strain

Everything in this world needs a source of life. A source, for never ending energy. Yet everything in this world has a limited source of power that only lasts for a moment in the chronological order. Everything human made that is. For God, has made the human life source never ending. He has made a life source to keep one moving for the entirety of his life till expiration. However, he has set limitations knowing humans are not humble creatures. The only possible way to survive in bliss is to find The one. The only life source known to man for healing hurt, sharing joy, living life, sharing death.

I had found that source of energy in you. Don’t tell me you can’t because you already have. My body had easily accustomed to the new energy surging through my veins. It depended on that very life source, which is now absent. The sudden absence of a lifesource kills anything that requires one. Now deprived of your aura, I am wasting away gracefully. Ten days, ten months, ten years. What is time when you wish it not? Do not mock my existence with your disappearance.

While you’re away, pray for me.

For my departure, from the human limitations.

Treason of tears.

it has been some time a while ago
watching feet shuffle past
the rays of the sun shy away
cold wind is embraced in solitude

i am lost in my head
bleeding for a bosom bed
intent on suffering instead
gradually gaining on the dead

i have risen one too many times
they hurt me deeply, they wake me in my sleep
they rise above the flames while i am engulfed
left to burn in the overwhelming contempt

erratic nightmares pose as salvation
chaotic maze of dreamless dreams
the eyes are guilty of treason, with tears
left to accumulate excessively forming blood puddles

you'll be the first and last to know.

like a birth defect, twitching at the neck
rocking backward and forward on the cold floor
the fallacy of the fantasy is momentary epiphany
mumbling the last verse, "She'll never know."

are you mocking me?

i will be ignorant to the blind
i will smile at the stupidity of the intelligent
i will laugh at threats at my life
i will cry.

when you do.

Sweet beginnings.

my soul still drifts
but now deprived of salvation
with no depth or dreams
giving it starvation

the endless journey
begins once more
as the days i try to forget
hit me harder than before

when will i ever
begin to fathom or learn
for the days i would spend with you
i longingly yearn

the days
have grown longer
the nights
have become darker

the tears
ease the pain
the dreams
were in vain

i've kept you so safely
in my fragile heart
so long it has been
we've been apart

i can't bear the strain
the pain
i stare blankly each day
my sanity wanes

you've left me like a cherry blossom
when the wind blows
why have you forsaken me
what have you chose?

She pleads.

running my hand down her face
i attempt to peel away the desolation
i attempt to free the acrimonium
i attempt to solve the pandemonium

She pleads. you only attempt.

i watch her waste away
her lashes fall into the ashes
the devil is offered carte blanche
sifting through the evanescence of time

death. death. death.
like a prayer she utters under her breath
the angel covenant cries heresy
god denies her acquiescence

the caustic metal corrodes her skin
it cuts her veins mercilessly
severing the message intended
the slits gushing life continously

her tryst with the prayer is over
her beloved desire has been ensconced
lucifier attains the damaged soul
He watches on, unable to reply to the prayer

i am pleading while she is bleeding.

He is still unable, while she, i still cradle.

Touch.

she lays there not flinching
gazing into the white above
seeing through the boundaries
blue eyes brightening with every star shine

i look upon thy subtle movements
every inch to a whole
in every inch some space to mould
your fingers beckoning my sense of touch

slow breaths to taste my smell
her hair flowing down amidst crystal water
invoking envy, sides of the luscious silk
privileged to savour her material skin

i frown at your simple innocence
is the world only found within this?
does the world only revolve in this?
does eternity call for me so quickly?

she looks up and rests her eyes upon me
she studies me intently, and exhales her apprehension
from her embracing realm she brings to light
petals of white and petals of colour

i admit to its glowing resonance
i submit to her graceful acceptance of me.

the piano plays a beautiful sound
but be deceived not,
beautiful, is she, whose touch is gentle

Rays.

the heavens opening with benevolence is seen with much epiphany after the wintry interlude. fear is set ablaze by the seemingly endless amount of energy in the rays. the clouds part leisurely as if to minutely depict the calm you would gladly accept with open arms. revolving is the earth but blessed by the rays of birth it is bathed in. shining on us it will remain our only hope of repent. atone for your sins exile. thy imprudence would prove to be your downfall. gain knowledge of the proper meaning and then step forward. gaze up into the portal to your new realm. it wouldn't matter if you went blind for a split second. hold you hands towards it and welcome the aura replenishing moment with grace. for that momentary pause in the time line, everything is blurred out of vision and the reflex is to focus. then you will see what you've needed to see. the entirety of your life has been summarized for you in a spot. it becomes clear now the presence of whom in your lives is worthy of your energy. the pertinence of life itself is still unclear. worry not, if He had intended us to know this, we would know this by now. wishing for golden streets and praying for the blind man to see is never worthwhile. if the streets were gold, where would the colour be? if being blind was really an obstacle for the blind man, then how come he can see better than you? he doesn't see what he doesn't. he sees what he has to. if only all of us have the ability to harness and take charge of the limitless untapped power and dynamism we have in our inner sanctum. forget what and when of life but how. souls were always lost when they forayed into the realms. they couldn't find the answer. the answer lies in you. as for the people that were lost in battle, they aren't here anymore. they have been summoned for to a better place to serve the rest of their purpose. concentrate on your purpose because they have forgotten you. they have. the reign of the king is never ending. His power lies in your power. His authority is your authority. He commands you accordingly. the only King whose command to you is your freedom. He is like the rays of the sun. everywhere.

Choice of path.

stroll along the gravel
gusts of wind remind you
epiphany is your feeling of love
smiling and blushing

look out the window
useful only for what it can do
a medium for the experiences
for its the only way to see the world

gaze at the length of the line
ponder a moment for it leads you
for you it has always been an unknown
risk it, abandon the apprehension

not blindly, not foolishly
seek the light and the truth
foresee craters in the road
forsake the hearsay of the faceless

for you see, i am at the end
waiting at the extremity of the distance
still watching the amaranth rose
its petals ravaged by the raindrops and the cold


it rests upon icy fingers
held out in reach of you. only.
place your hand gently, on its stalk
encompassed in icy shards of time

no.

still.

there is still warmth.

solely within the rose.

Alone.

personal
daily life plagued by them
makeshift love and hate to play
struggles are worth the struggle

if time permits,we shall talk again
as the times when i'm alive
grow nearer to the day in which death is imminent

always alone in thy world
solitude is the creators wish
it is my gift of second nature
envy me, i am blessed with bliss

why should you be afraid?
for all of you is not alone
why should you think of yourself?
for all of me is alone

bask in thy austerity
conjure your own aegis
may i be your avatar
my desire is to be the one,

to perish, before you.

fear not dear maiden
lay all the world on my shoulders
worry not if you hear my bones crack
i will not fold just yet

i have much to tell you
alas the language i possess
as much as you can fathom
i remain bounded by my knowledge

hide yourself away
curl up into my chest
feel the sensations forming
tell me that i won't feel anything

to you, i have been waiting
to the mirror, who are you?

Feel it, rain on me.

it falls from the sky so gently
tiny diamonds of pure truth
each one with a story of its own
each one with a journey to fulfill

empowerment from our infinite resource
its is a pity that not many know
for it is natures way for rebirth
replenshing each organism aiding it in its cycle

halt your routine order
a moment held in an eternity
giving birth to an eternity
filled with limitless moments

listen to the silent notes
its sound so melancholic
in every drop a poetic piece
in every piece a piano solo

sadness in happiness
happiness through sadness
tear with it if you wish
there is never an emotion complete without it

such is its versatility
it ushers in tears of joy and pain
some may seek to avoid such pain
some may seek to be reminiscent through it

forget the realm in which emotions manifest
let it pull a veil over reality
let it cleanse the impurities
for it will, with no obligation

seek it and it shall seek you
dance to its music and it will dance with you
emotionless, it will never shun you
fearless, it will never judge you

feel your wings emerge from within you
feel them get drenched in heavens blessings
feel time slow to a stop
feel shivers down your spine from the cold
feel the wind freeze the moment
feel your thoughts go swirling

salvation is attained
all is not lost, but forgotten
it is as it should be
if not, it will be

Secret garden.

creeping into the vision
its smell repugnant and vile
scanning the palace for its source
draining the energy and electricity

it's no surprise though

yet people are oblivious to the obvious
it's feeding on your contempt and your ignorance
enlarge your eyelids and look, for a change
release your hate and embrace reality
play no more on your naivety
don't expect
it doesn't happen anymore

your body is a secret garden
and there is only one rose

its stalk encompassed in thorns
remember why the thorns are present
it will only prick a passer bys hand only if you protect it
its picking beckoned only, by the one
it's enticing to let the fragrance influence

take note
fragrance doesn't last forever

let it wither and pass on naturally
cast it in stone do not
for it will destroy the remaining humanity within you
let the innocence of a newborn renew you
let it remind you of the inner sanctum that resides in you
the chapel of infinite beauty

the only place with limitless space but confined by emotions
control them, and you would have taken the first step into the establishment
the only place where you, and only you, are allowed to enter
the only place where you, is imminent and inevitable
the only place where you, are both god and belzebub
the only place where you, can be you, and that will always be perfect

you, are the heart and soul
the garden is guided by your good deeds and your sins
nurture it, and it will prove to be your sustenance

love. you.

Choice.

leave and thy leaves fall
hit the ground they will
only to be returned to thyself

we are but two rain drops on stained glass
rolling down, leaving two seperate trails
only to move closer to each other
uniting at one precise moment

everyone has precise moments
blatant and obvious to the naked eye
choice enlivens the moment
only to be let down by fear

hear the echoes of the sages
the luminous presence encompassing the immaterial
hear them say, "choice, child. choice."
choice. all of it. burdened by choice.

you named them freedom
you caught them blowing into wind chimes
you are rendered choiceless by them
now,
you are enslaved by freedom

Worth a while but worth your while?

i can only offer
the walk in the country side where the leaves fall
the walk by the lake with ducks
the moonlit strolls along the path that was forgotten
to lie down on a tattered mat and gaze at midnight diamonds
the hills saturated with wind that they make the long grass sway
the song that i sing which does'nt hit the notes
my words i use to serenade the pages of my book of you
the years left for my heart to beat
my listening to hear your every minute of your wretched life
my eyes to undress you at the very thought of, you
my lips for you to suck my breath away and leave me in peace
my touch as i caress to the threshold of my sanguine pleasures
the blood red roses that bloom at that very moment they see you

a strand of your fringe to imagine it dance in the wind
your raiment to keep your smell fresh in my veins
the promise of fidelity in your adoration
to stay careless but stop being callous
to be not alarmed towards my ardency

look at the shards of ice that surround me
my heart takes the shape of a rose
drops of dew complete its state
its glamour slowly fading
once amaranth, its been long since

i've fought many wars
and won all of them
but they remain, pyrrhic
tell me.

was it worth your while?

Waltz.

her fingernails are purposefully painted black
her sensuous lips are of the same shade
she draws dark circles around her eyes to drown them in it
the eyebrow piercing to further take away your attention from them
the pale white emanating from her face to force disgust
she adorns a flowing dress that reminds you of a shadow
the sleeves long it covers all of her
she hides her soul in fear it may be noticed
shes knows beauty
shes knows she is beautiful

her quick steps hide her sway of her curves
but she doesn't
shes talks with much wit
but she doesn't
a smile that would put pearls to shame
but she doesn't

she's afraid to shine
but she's afraid not to
but i see, so clearly

the elegance oozes from her
shes sits there sipping on arbot mist
diagonally across is where i am
watching her every notion in its intensity
she caresses the mouth of the glass and silently listens to it hum
with this she draws a slow breath
as if to taste the essence of the earth
she closes her eyes and begins humming a tune

a tune so calming
a lullaby to ones spirit
visualize the heaven in its serenity
the music resonating from the plucking of strings from an angels harp
or however you see gods place to be
i follow as the music takes the lead
i can't help myself but close my eyes and envision the waltz
where shes takes my hand and leads me into the age old form of expression
we are one, almost literally

sensuality. sexuality. morality. duality. equality.
she has spoken to me, without words
without expression
without thought
with music

but there is sadness
there is no harmony
the love in the sound is disturbed
i open my eyes to see nothing but tears
mascara smeared down her cheek
she catches my eye but she doesn't move
she doesn't mind my presence
she gazes at me with longing for closeness
i walk over and we embrace like we've known
like we've seen
and then i hear the cries
of sorrow and of hurt
of pain and of love
and i stand there and it was forever and one
forever and none
but still i stand
still we stand
and it has met its end
for her. and for my wife.

Bloodshed.

close thee eyes and picture that thought
transcend the physical limits and float
forget material boasts and forget time
remember the moments that somehow bring bliss

remove the limiter that prevents the higher level
call out to the angel to untie it for you
the velvet ribbons securely holding you
only time will heal the limbs for you to leave

its sadistic ways are coming to an end
novocaine isn't required to keep it at bay
soon the barriers will be broken
the shadow no more a potrait of hurt

her bosoms are the giver of life
but the giving is by her
her wings are still contained
bleeding from the excruciating pain

she meditates to relieve the piercing love
she can hear the sadistic laughter from him
his eyes transfixed in her pained countenance
this is his sanguine pleasure

fingers caressing her neck slowly
with a devilish grin he touches the place
her sentient nipple to see her wince
his hands now progresing to her inner thighs

the heat, her heat, is resonating
shes is in pain, secretly it is what she wants
he plays with her emotions for a slight
he rubs against her slit just to tease

he puts more pressure and his finger starts disappearing
its wet and he smiles at the back of her neck
he pushes harder to feel her insides
he leans her on his chest and violates her fully

she screams and he perversely makes her suffer
purposefully testing her limits
he forces the womanhood from her as she wets herself
he slows to a stop. now breathing hard

rolling down her cheeks are the god given silent emotions
he sees it and the devilish grin returns
he licks the tears and smiles
and whispers in her ear the contempt he has for her

he pushes her away from him and leaves her lying on the ground
he walks away into the shadows, disappearing
shes lays there in pain, bleeding from her insides
the roses now stained. bloodshed. hurt. pain.

Piano.

closed eyes and heightened hearing
the harmonious essence of the chords vibrate in the air
every note hitting an amount of remembrance
resonating in the ears as music
sitting by the fireplace and that warmth
the touch of velvet at the feet
the comfortable armchair as your only confidant

the smell of vanilla in the air
burning candles flicker with every breath
the feel of velvet in your palms conjure peace
weight forgotten, your only adornment, a silk robe
dimly lit hall with not so much as a whisper

english tea on a silver tray
chocolate muffins to savour the day
tinkling of cutlery as the muffins are slit
almost sculpting a whole new view
the elizabethan ceiling decor is complete in itself

the vase has luscious red roses
they have been waiting for you
its been ages and still they await you
ever so patiently
gorgeous to admire
mimicking your countenance

yes i see the cobwebs
but i choose to
i choose la vie en rose

Moment of fun.

immersed in this private personal solitude,
i am overwhelmed by your presence
i am overcome by the sight of your silhouette
your aura forces my heart into trauma
go on, speak. speak.
speak now or forever hold your tongue.
glancing eyes meet, heart abalze
don't shy away. don't sh.. too late
like a gust of wind on a hot summer's day
she came like a flash. libertaing.
and left me feeling overheated
she was gone.
hmm.
dream on casanova..

Words of god.

no matter how modest you are
no matter how inculpable you are
untarnished and good. pure and warm.
definite and distinct. chiselled and straight.
the list can increase in its continuity.
yet you will never suceed
you will never acquire her because she will never want you
she does not desire you. so far you've come and yet you fail again
the confusion does not lie in her wants.
it lies in you. you are unsure of what you desire.
you don't know the way and no one is showing it to you.
how long can you look into the mirror just to make yourself look
nice?
now, define nice.

you are stained and ugly and no one wants you
the mirror lies to you. it tells you what you dont want to see.
forget the hurt and the mending.
damage done is there and will not heal
it is in the pain that you grit your teeth and lunge forward
void the abyss and look closer to where you leap
only then would you have learnt, honesty
be honest. people believe the words of god are found in pages of white
if so, then those words are honest. it helps you believe
now, imagine honesty in yourself. be honest to yourself, about yourself.
be honest.

its not about you. its not always about you.
open your eyes and look. listen carefully.
the world revolves. everyday. not around you.
you are not special to them. but you can be, for yourself.
you do not exude beauty to them. but the mirror sees it.
the show of passion is not visible to them. but you can be.
you can lie to them. but not to the reflection.
study it. pass the test. and then you will see.
the true brilliance of the beautiful colours. only then.

Envelope my being.

among the heavenly white clouds
the place where dreams are made
manufactured for each living soul
to make sleep less of a burden

in this private solitude you are made for me
you have been sent to me, for me
you call everyday and i await your call
you tell me you love me everyday and i await your faults

these imperfections are what i need
the spontaneity is what i seek
the endless pondering on how we would be
as i keep reminding you how i feel

you have told me we are worlds apart
and you don't believe that wretched heart
but you forget there is only one world
and you and i are only one

so let the music keep playing
let the passion keep burning
let the poetry keep flowing
let the beauty keep showing

and while the record keeps spinning
we shall float in air as light as feathers
floating in pairs as we waltz together

i anticipate sleep just to think of you
i anticipate thoughts of you just to dream of you
i anticipate dreams of you just to sit with you
i anticipate sitting with you just to be with you

you could tell me you hate me but au contraire mademoiselle

now. now matters. only now.

i will climb the peak of those 2 flights of stairs
i will sit and enjoy arbot mist, if it is in selection
if you aren't there, you will be and there are two glasses
overtaken by emotion you will sit on my lap
and i will hum a silent tune when the tears tell they're own

now, it is now.

Duality.. The Other Half Has Spoken..

tell it not in Gath. make me all yours
ending the day with my calves folded neatly.
on your thighs i rest my burden. don't move now.
i'm dozing off. your pen shall be your voice.
make no noise.

every weekend, my room will be lighted with frivolous candles.
in grandeur it'll be complemented with jazz and choir. wine.
every thursday i buy fresh roses to suck the smell out on such days.
i wish you are sitting in the corner of the room now.
take your pen and notepad. study me. watch me cry and understand my misery.
know my issues.

i am. there. look closely. the sudden flickers of the lights.
the sudden gusts of breeze. i am taking notes.
but i don't want to. i want you to sit on my lap and tear.
each drop will tell its own. i am. there.

maybe. perhaps i'm blinded. chalked by my tears.
my baby plush ducks are wet. roses losing its scent.
i still can't see you. wait a minute. the flames are dancing.
are you waltzing around me?

i await your clarity. i await you to find me in the mist.
i move with emotion and whisper with devotion. when you have found me, hold hands and slow dance.
i want to speak. say i am in love, deeply. you affect me and, the roses.
look at me. this damaged unknown. this vile, creature. this empty shell. look.

i kick the carapace in the gutter. your home is not that cursed shell but my bosom.
beneath the brassiere you belong. you are my moat monster.
the towers are tall. play a game. find me. my soul separates from my body.
you i'm longing for. my scissors leg are ripped open by chains of modernism.
don't be them. don't go there. don't hold your breath. i want to smell your exasperation.
candour and candid. the satan picks up a rosary. HE has spoken.
he said, "Belzebub, sell her your soul." i look inside the mirror and curse.
i want to be beautiful. like you. i want to be beautiful like you.

far away. long ago. i met a blind soul. i followed the trail but got lost.
i am still lost. but the place is paradise. i am introduced to art and unorthodox passion.
it blinds me. i met a blind soul which blinded me. with love, beauty, music, poetry.
i can't see the soul. but SHE is beautiful. i want to be beautiful. like her. i want to be beautiful. like you.

the other half has spoken.

what was said?

inaudible words. illegible actions. undying passion.

Bianca Zen & R.

Common..

i read a piece. I felt and saw words of virginity and thoughts of intimate longings.
After every ellipsis was another to lengthen the train of
thought. i am narrow minded, it was suggested. i said
what i saw with honesty and i took it painfully. am i really? am i not
that intellectual who i deem myself to be? am i really
that simple and transparent? am i not special and do i
not possess talent? countless trains passed by and the
knot in my chest was not merciful. to comprehend that i
am just normal is hurtful. recognizing now that i know
not myself. i am lacking. i am not purposeful in this world. i have no self identity.
"know thy strengths and be wary of your weaknesses" this self pity is tiresome.
perhaps i am just mere common debris. deceived myself
enough. irony. because who have i deceived?
deceive thyself no more.

Silence..

why? she kept asking me why?no reason. nothing. silence.it is not meant to deafen you.it was never meant to close you down.listening. i want to listen to you.i don't want to hear myself anymore. i don't want to talk
to my shadow anymore. i have heard you. i want to hear
you. sing for me. serenade my being. silence. don't say
no. don't fear me. don't run away from me.

you are ugly. you are hideous. you kill yourself
everyday. you are imprudent. you are daft. you are silly.
you are uninteresting. you are obnoxious. you are vain. you
are hateful. i hate you. you are not perfect. you never
will be. you are not perfect. please don't be perfect.

god don't make her perfect for me. not her.

you will take her away from me.
you always have.

Rant..

trigger the angel in me you do
kiss away my demons and purify me
hold me and heal my exterior
hum a song and caress me to sleep

awake me and stare me to the bone
brush my hair and clear my mind
abolish uncertainty with a finger to the lips
chase away nightmares with whispers in my ear

clothe me and make me seem perfect
tilt my chin and overlook my flaws
lie on my chest and remind me i'm human
cry on my shoulder and let your tears be holy water

run your fingers down my spine
make me feel the epiphany of pleasure
bite my neck and mark your territory
sigh at my imperfections and laugh at my insecurity

talk to me even when im not listening
listen to me even when im not talking
embrace me into your ideal world
get lost in my tramp of compound
give birth a bliss montage

will you do this for me.

because i have,

i know you lie, but say you love me.

Silent night..

Silent Night
the silence fades away
the darkness loses the fight over dominance
midnight diamonds lose the light
as the day wins over the night

satan's children find solace in dark and lucid places
places filled with dark thoughts and desolation
my existence is filled with these
prolonged days of pain in bliss

reaching for soothing thoughts
that might console the living soul
alas light doesn't tolerate the dark
the battle is lost even before it embarks

the ultimate being creeps over the horizon
illuminating the earth below it
lighting each crevice of darkness
putting an end to soulless dreams

the time of heaven's re-birth beckons
and all that is dark is almost forgotten
as fast as the light consumed the dark
oblivion begin as my life ends

End of the world...

dwelling in my sickness
repeats of words that conjure suffering
realm of closeness surrounding depths
psalm of darkness

angelic beauty is withheld
faceless faith or open the bag of tricks
tamed myself of my wild side
by devouring my own wings

seeking solace in pits of nothingness
its flown away, my heart holds no life
no longer dreaming of dreams
slowly emerging, my wings of life
but bearing down on me, is my own scythe
its the end of the world