the leaves of my plants look like claws in the shadows
i lie on the bed waiting for them to tear my flesh
wanting to bleed my way through to epiphany
yet the waiting, is much more of hell than i have experienced
the darkness of the eyes is one of few
yet my creativity has conjured up more than i can suffer
the societal markers chisel me into one of lacking
one who doubts himself over the tiniest of details
i look into the reflection of my own eyes and see despair
a falling person whom i am unable to reach
a person drowning in the black waters of my hatred
trying to save what is left of my accepted intelligence
yes. accepted. not by me. by my inability to everyone else
i cannot bring myself to endure such low levels of capacity
i possess none that is desired and desire what no one can offer
i am not ahead in my own time and severely lagging behind
i am sick and tired of the various masks i feel i need to wear
the endless beautifying of myself to lie to everyone else
the rapid changes in my literal abilities to suit needs
to hold myself responsible for deeds i need not fulfill
i do not love myself enough to accept my fucking flaws
i do not hate myself enough to slit my wrists to taste my blood
i do not love myself enough to access the inner god i know i posses
i do not hate myself enough to have the courage to love myself
caught in between this nothingness is worse than being me
worse than this desolation i visit every night with open eyes
decaying, not physically, but everything else is
turning a blind eye to the fact that this is happening
forcefully lying to myself. to lie even more about myself.
to myself.
clock chimes can be heard.
time for redemption is over.
time to let the steel taste my flesh.
5 comments:
Hi, casonova? I was just hitting on the next blog and couldn't believe my eyes when i saw your blog. Wow, you write like a poet.
How's Trish and herprick? You are all doing good? i'll put your blog under my favourite. take care.
that anonymous is me. - mom.
Where have you been mom. How have you been? As for the welfare of the others, i do not have a clue. They have vanished, just like the poeple in my life. But that aside, what happened to your blog? What is your blog's address now? I tried the previous one a few times but to no avail. So keep in touch.
Oh and thank you for the compliment. Not many agree, but thank you.
Hi there
I'm doing pretty good. Thank you so much for asking. I'm not blogging already. I don't have the time and energy to do that anymore. But I'll visit you now and then. They both vanished? What happened? I missed you guys. Haven't had the time to write a mail to Trish. I will do so soon.
Well, you do write like a poet. Very deep, intense. I like it.
You keep smiling and take good care.
-mom
Gave up? hmmm. Well thats a pity. I cannot employ your immediate services anymore then. Nor can anyone else. But i understand. Sometimes i feel i should to. However i also believe you have more reasons to do so, and more responsibilities to fulfil. Well we have missed you and you should let us feel your influence more often. Thank you for finding us.
Ok She, has vanished. Well actualy it is only if we were looking, that someone is considered missing. Because (i want to start with because) she left us. Hm. The dear dragon lady.
I do not 'beg' to differ, i believe humilty is one thing we should all have. Besides nobody cares much for poetry anymore in this day and age.(i bet its because of all the people in the world who are supposedly in love and write utter rubbish that rhymes at the end. the world has had enough.) They care more for the way you write, as opposed to my prose. And i absolutely agree with them.
love you mom.
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