Lies. Time is up.

the leaves of my plants look like claws in the shadows
i lie on the bed waiting for them to tear my flesh
wanting to bleed my way through to epiphany
yet the waiting, is much more of hell than i have experienced

the darkness of the eyes is one of few
yet my creativity has conjured up more than i can suffer
the societal markers chisel me into one of lacking
one who doubts himself over the tiniest of details

i look into the reflection of my own eyes and see despair
a falling person whom i am unable to reach
a person drowning in the black waters of my hatred
trying to save what is left of my accepted intelligence

yes. accepted. not by me. by my inability to everyone else
i cannot bring myself to endure such low levels of capacity
i possess none that is desired and desire what no one can offer
i am not ahead in my own time and severely lagging behind

i am sick and tired of the various masks i feel i need to wear
the endless beautifying of myself to lie to everyone else
the rapid changes in my literal abilities to suit needs
to hold myself responsible for deeds i need not fulfill

i do not love myself enough to accept my fucking flaws
i do not hate myself enough to slit my wrists to taste my blood
i do not love myself enough to access the inner god i know i posses
i do not hate myself enough to have the courage to love myself

caught in between this nothingness is worse than being me
worse than this desolation i visit every night with open eyes
decaying, not physically, but everything else is
turning a blind eye to the fact that this is happening

forcefully lying to myself. to lie even more about myself.

to myself.

clock chimes can be heard.
time for redemption is over.

time to let the steel taste my flesh.

Failure.

your obsession with tears will be the death of me my love. for i am comfort as best as i could be. come sleep in my arms and let your tears tell the stories that you have mashed up in your saturated mind. i am there my love, watch the candles flicker as i walk past your aura to settle in a corner, studying your omnipresent emotions. be my comfort as you hum a familiar tune that will prove serenity true to me. why do you deny me the walk down the road you so often visit?

why do you so selfishly suffer alone? let me slit my wrists for my blood to be the stream that you will float upon to liberate you of your worst nightmares. drift through the black night that will drown you fears and let it be known that i mean for only you to live through this life i have created. all i ask for is those hands that caressed me to the deep slumber i awoke from. those hands that touched my skin in my times of needs and acceptance. those hands that were damp from my tears that dropped from my deepest depths of misery. but you have hurt those hands and the blisters are from the vengeance of many. No my love. leave thy hands to heal. for thou shall not damage that which is my only hope of transcending this societal hell that is post modernity. No my love. Not now. Not ever.

why would you bring this confused state upon me? the little pleasures that prolonged the timeline in which we endured less and less of them as we progressed towards the future that was always bleak. sharing similarities with our thoughts and thoughts about similarities between the parallel lines that resembled us. why now my love? do you leave to relieve me of my pain, or yours? do you leave to make certain the views of the faceless that we would not be? do you leave to make certain the lies and deceit i feared when you were material? no i cannot forgive you. the roses that i planted so meticulously to grow to the contours of your countenance now wither away without your sustenance. you have killed my roses that bloomed only on my command to your walking past my area of rest. now they rest forever, not able to give off the velvet scent that filled my sanctuary. the luscious petals have fallen to the ground lifeless.

you have failed me. so miserably.

the void i turn to when i am alone, told me the truth.

you have failed me, because i have failed you.