Envelope my being.

among the heavenly white clouds
the place where dreams are made
manufactured for each living soul
to make sleep less of a burden

in this private solitude you are made for me
you have been sent to me, for me
you call everyday and i await your call
you tell me you love me everyday and i await your faults

these imperfections are what i need
the spontaneity is what i seek
the endless pondering on how we would be
as i keep reminding you how i feel

you have told me we are worlds apart
and you don't believe that wretched heart
but you forget there is only one world
and you and i are only one

so let the music keep playing
let the passion keep burning
let the poetry keep flowing
let the beauty keep showing

and while the record keeps spinning
we shall float in air as light as feathers
floating in pairs as we waltz together

i anticipate sleep just to think of you
i anticipate thoughts of you just to dream of you
i anticipate dreams of you just to sit with you
i anticipate sitting with you just to be with you

you could tell me you hate me but au contraire mademoiselle

now. now matters. only now.

i will climb the peak of those 2 flights of stairs
i will sit and enjoy arbot mist, if it is in selection
if you aren't there, you will be and there are two glasses
overtaken by emotion you will sit on my lap
and i will hum a silent tune when the tears tell they're own

now, it is now.

Duality.. The Other Half Has Spoken..

tell it not in Gath. make me all yours
ending the day with my calves folded neatly.
on your thighs i rest my burden. don't move now.
i'm dozing off. your pen shall be your voice.
make no noise.

every weekend, my room will be lighted with frivolous candles.
in grandeur it'll be complemented with jazz and choir. wine.
every thursday i buy fresh roses to suck the smell out on such days.
i wish you are sitting in the corner of the room now.
take your pen and notepad. study me. watch me cry and understand my misery.
know my issues.

i am. there. look closely. the sudden flickers of the lights.
the sudden gusts of breeze. i am taking notes.
but i don't want to. i want you to sit on my lap and tear.
each drop will tell its own. i am. there.

maybe. perhaps i'm blinded. chalked by my tears.
my baby plush ducks are wet. roses losing its scent.
i still can't see you. wait a minute. the flames are dancing.
are you waltzing around me?

i await your clarity. i await you to find me in the mist.
i move with emotion and whisper with devotion. when you have found me, hold hands and slow dance.
i want to speak. say i am in love, deeply. you affect me and, the roses.
look at me. this damaged unknown. this vile, creature. this empty shell. look.

i kick the carapace in the gutter. your home is not that cursed shell but my bosom.
beneath the brassiere you belong. you are my moat monster.
the towers are tall. play a game. find me. my soul separates from my body.
you i'm longing for. my scissors leg are ripped open by chains of modernism.
don't be them. don't go there. don't hold your breath. i want to smell your exasperation.
candour and candid. the satan picks up a rosary. HE has spoken.
he said, "Belzebub, sell her your soul." i look inside the mirror and curse.
i want to be beautiful. like you. i want to be beautiful like you.

far away. long ago. i met a blind soul. i followed the trail but got lost.
i am still lost. but the place is paradise. i am introduced to art and unorthodox passion.
it blinds me. i met a blind soul which blinded me. with love, beauty, music, poetry.
i can't see the soul. but SHE is beautiful. i want to be beautiful. like her. i want to be beautiful. like you.

the other half has spoken.

what was said?

inaudible words. illegible actions. undying passion.

Bianca Zen & R.

Common..

i read a piece. I felt and saw words of virginity and thoughts of intimate longings.
After every ellipsis was another to lengthen the train of
thought. i am narrow minded, it was suggested. i said
what i saw with honesty and i took it painfully. am i really? am i not
that intellectual who i deem myself to be? am i really
that simple and transparent? am i not special and do i
not possess talent? countless trains passed by and the
knot in my chest was not merciful. to comprehend that i
am just normal is hurtful. recognizing now that i know
not myself. i am lacking. i am not purposeful in this world. i have no self identity.
"know thy strengths and be wary of your weaknesses" this self pity is tiresome.
perhaps i am just mere common debris. deceived myself
enough. irony. because who have i deceived?
deceive thyself no more.

Silence..

why? she kept asking me why?no reason. nothing. silence.it is not meant to deafen you.it was never meant to close you down.listening. i want to listen to you.i don't want to hear myself anymore. i don't want to talk
to my shadow anymore. i have heard you. i want to hear
you. sing for me. serenade my being. silence. don't say
no. don't fear me. don't run away from me.

you are ugly. you are hideous. you kill yourself
everyday. you are imprudent. you are daft. you are silly.
you are uninteresting. you are obnoxious. you are vain. you
are hateful. i hate you. you are not perfect. you never
will be. you are not perfect. please don't be perfect.

god don't make her perfect for me. not her.

you will take her away from me.
you always have.

Rant..

trigger the angel in me you do
kiss away my demons and purify me
hold me and heal my exterior
hum a song and caress me to sleep

awake me and stare me to the bone
brush my hair and clear my mind
abolish uncertainty with a finger to the lips
chase away nightmares with whispers in my ear

clothe me and make me seem perfect
tilt my chin and overlook my flaws
lie on my chest and remind me i'm human
cry on my shoulder and let your tears be holy water

run your fingers down my spine
make me feel the epiphany of pleasure
bite my neck and mark your territory
sigh at my imperfections and laugh at my insecurity

talk to me even when im not listening
listen to me even when im not talking
embrace me into your ideal world
get lost in my tramp of compound
give birth a bliss montage

will you do this for me.

because i have,

i know you lie, but say you love me.

Silent night..

Silent Night
the silence fades away
the darkness loses the fight over dominance
midnight diamonds lose the light
as the day wins over the night

satan's children find solace in dark and lucid places
places filled with dark thoughts and desolation
my existence is filled with these
prolonged days of pain in bliss

reaching for soothing thoughts
that might console the living soul
alas light doesn't tolerate the dark
the battle is lost even before it embarks

the ultimate being creeps over the horizon
illuminating the earth below it
lighting each crevice of darkness
putting an end to soulless dreams

the time of heaven's re-birth beckons
and all that is dark is almost forgotten
as fast as the light consumed the dark
oblivion begin as my life ends

End of the world...

dwelling in my sickness
repeats of words that conjure suffering
realm of closeness surrounding depths
psalm of darkness

angelic beauty is withheld
faceless faith or open the bag of tricks
tamed myself of my wild side
by devouring my own wings

seeking solace in pits of nothingness
its flown away, my heart holds no life
no longer dreaming of dreams
slowly emerging, my wings of life
but bearing down on me, is my own scythe
its the end of the world