How can it feel this wrong?

no one loves me.

no need for winding walkways
the plea is full of hollow meaning
walk the frozen identities
and pretend in its sparkling beauty

follow me. and you.

warmth is a state of mind
frivolous for a lifestyle
break away the longing
and bury the chasing.

enough. really.

feeling and not feeling and feeling and no-
stop. knife me in please.
can something feel this wrong
and of course i see it. we all know

yes we do. we do.

sensuality in eloquence in sanguine sex
this moment, is not for me and you
in coitus i care and caress for a cure
straining for another way

no one loves me.

not like you do.

Walkways and trees.

Red leaves and dandelion seeds
walkways of gravel and rust
swaying water and floating boats
the tree bark rough but serene
in essence of,

i live.

Moments are undeniable
facing forward friendly flowers
touch them. petals are plush.
more i say. more. much more.
mother,

you wait for me.

Melancholic milieu
monotone miasma
multitude of mirage's
made in malevolence
makeshift form,

sometimes, dreams take.

Supine
the sky in cyan
this disposition is permanent
as whispers in silence
however,

you think it to be. In several.

bloody wind, she thinks.
O princess, thy will is thy wish
grass is soft again
daydream falters yet again
peace,

a state of mind.

When it is nullified.

You, then i.

There she is
i saw you in reflections of a confession
There she is again
i saw you in retractions of a revelation

Endorphin's are magic


I dream in escapsims
wrought with peril and assumptions
aged she is in her time
cry over ripples will you
so then,

so i.

Inanimate and bursts with epiphany
strings vibrate and calm
silence is met with red eyes
i am he, and you

combined.

Peel away the veil
caress with conviction and callousness
you then cease to exist
make it simple, easy.

Vermillion sufferings, i suffer.

With and without thought
i wish and you wish
misty fields of trees and wind
this frost is not enough,
in solace.

You then i, in place of we.

You have reached, a broken yet whole person.
Leave your inhibitions and typecasting behind.
I will get back to your judgments another day.

In another life.

If i am not asleep for now
If i am not thinking aloud
If i am not taking a bow
Or you incessantly asking me how

Will you even realise the connotations in my words? Or the lies you want me to speak so lightly of?

I do not know love.

I realise these moments in time are incoherent. Well, i am afraid i cannot help you there love, since the thoughts in my head has lost the cohesion and i can only remember less and less and thats one of the drawbacks of deteriorating.

Or dying, if you like.

fuck this.

Thief of days.

So i see now i have lost you in the bleak wilderness. Will you not stop your egoistical ascension to the almighty ruler and just remain in my grasp?

Now that i have your attention, i can see to it that my words of enamour will reach your ears unhindered by outside influences. I only crave an audience to thy blindness, your highness. Refrain from slouching on your throne too long my love, for the aching in your neck is not from the prolonged dis-position, but the absence of my caress to divert your chaotic war in your chest.

Has it been so long? So long that you fail to question my ineptitude?

Even when i forcefully wrote a script to feign this state of mind. I know. I am supposed to shower you with words that bring meaning to the words ardent passion. I know. I will admit, my love, i am crumbling away and you still fail to see. I cannot willfully fool myself to accept shackles that gives birth to nothing. I have forgotten already, how i am passionate over your smell, and at peace with your caress. My memory falters now that i have lost you in this blizzard you have called forth.

All i know is at an end. All you know, is to depend.

Though you think.

Pump lithium into my collapsed veins to clog the valleys of creative curses i induce with my gritted teeth, unable to prevent the deluge of blood flowing through to my heart. So i lose control and i have lost control and i do not linger with purpose and i swear i am not the devil because my deafened prayers do not fall upon the distance to my morning star and this creates, or has created a void in a void, licking my wrists to taste the withered life that sinuates in my rigid spine.

fuck what i have said. i need and i need and i need and i have not gotten anything in which i need because i have not only concentrated so much on what i luxuriously want, but also on the things which i could have avoided by choosing to peek around the invisible wall entwining me to the scene that validates my presence in the ethereal miasma that vomits broken nails caused by endless writing and scratching and tearing and breaking and fucking and stabbing at my eyelids to show me a different view.

from yesterday till yesterday was endless and limitless and voracious and painless, now that i have figured out what which was missing from my palms in my time of endeavour as i sought to reap the seeds of birth in my cranuim milking every last bit of sleep and energy and tears and saliva for sustenance that did not in any way affect anything that eventually happened, underlining the amount of control i have, or we have, in this stupid stupid epiphany.

it is over and so i think i can continue on my swirling paths of mellow day dreaming which proves and provides a much needed escape from the screens of touch and words of sensuality and frugality and ability and screaming velocity. and he said this and i told him that i know this and i know but no one ever understands that i know and what can i do to prove that i know when no one is willing to know, that i know which in turn brings us to the know that i know. a lot.

el oscuro me mantiene.

Thirst.

Why this war in your chest?

i cannot tell you why. for she passed my lips with a glance and then teased me to follow with her trailing scent lingering in the air that seemed to freeze in time. the mysterious me, where still water that ran so deep i drowned myself into oblivion and hid my being completely from detection and yet, with a wisp of grace she has churned waves in undisturbed peace.

Why the rain in your head?

i cannot tell you why. for how best can i describe, even with my sleepless mind, the demure beauty she effortlessly overflowed with. these eyes have seen her and the temptation in her aura, refusing to accept the deception present in this persona. and now, only dreaming of wallowing amidst her hair, the lake of salvation i have created.

Why this weakness for her?

i cannot tell you why. because this is not weakness.

just a thirst.

an indefatigable thirst.

though it can be quenched yet.

how, you might ask.

i will drink from her lips.

Just play.

twitch in subtle agony, your cheeks a shade of mahogany;
you are really meant to keep, just you and i, duality.

if there is no cause for me, no cause for senseless brutality;
pray tell this fading memory, to stay a while, eternity.

leave this wretched melancholy, blind eyes you cured, you made them see;
a better person i could be, if i let you in more deep.

through my tears my artistry, you i have met and plan to keep.
tear me down, please gaze at me, now, will you take my challenge to thee?

I wish i may, i wish i might.

stages of metaphors for the people who were cared for.

so you know my line of sight is reflected by the asphalt as i drag my tired legs through the darkened morning light. i mouth esoteric meaning, as my mind struggles to hold in more superfluous thought. more dazed evenings and more confused connections and more and more and more and more and i want to bite the flesh of uncertainty, and cry simultaneously, worrying and worrying and worrying, infinitely.

for the times i hoped to say and for the times i let my mind play and for the times i wished i might, i wished i may, and for the times in my bed staring into the words of tears as i lay. dissipating. now you think you're putting up with me and you think i can tolerate thee? yes it is true. i am your ornament, the venom in your addiction. it is true. now you have grown confident no? you write to me and i read out aloud.

i reap when you are bold.
i weep when you fold.

take me away my love. this humiliation i can no longer endure. take me away and dispose of your mask that hides the ugliness that i have evolved into. your condemned concoction. a memory alike, i will fade into the hole you have exquisitely measured for me. i will.

i promise only flowers will grow in your backyard.

Tnemom

In a morning, as you adorned raiment,
my hollows filled you.

In a morning, one moment,
the breeze discomforted you.

In a morning, in atonement,
you pleased the inner fool.

In a morning, in contentment,
you accepted your choice without further ado.

and i accept you.

Wisp away.

such a sad tune it plays in my head. swimming amongst countless thoughts of nothingness, lighting up the way when it enters my mind simulating a mist that washes over my eyes as i stare holes into the wispy air that floats by. mocking my heightened state of mind that counts as a war just north of the eyebrows. the cold grill of this window to oblivion provides rest for my tired neck while i watch the time and rain drip away.

waste away.

so much rain. and yet i feel nothing. no wash over. no comfort by the melancholy. beyond my reach it continues to fall again and again. yet i stare more, in wonder. am i like the wind? everywhere yet nowhere? does the wind, so majestically braving the rain, get drenched in its moisture? is the wind as privileged as i think it is?

does it feel?

cold breezes grazes my eyelashes and then i feel its mockery and venom fills my veins while the guitar strums melodiously, yet monotonously, in my ears. so lonely it is to be me. and the wind. you tried to grasp me, but i escaped through the holes present in your heart. there was never any tolerance to fit me, and yet you still tried to calm my nerves in a dead of night one momentous day. but really, did you really try hard enough?

i am the wind.

you need not tread carefully. you need not fear me. but you forgot. you let slip from your mind that you should never try to enclose the wind in your palms. you let slip from your mind that you should not lead with your eyes open on a windy day for tears may be. you let slip from your mind that you should not constrict your hair and miss the serenity the wind will caress into your senses.

open your palms and feel me.
close your eyes and think of me.
let your hair loose and love me.

"yo no me quedo"

you let me die.