The mind. The birth of understanding and the dread that follows after.
everyday i step into this room broken down. yet faking worldy pleasures in my head to everyone else, letting my sheer arrogance rule me. and in my own eyes i greet you from the other side of the shadows. with strangers meddling with my mind, don't get too close. my material skin, disintegrates like the surface of the still river when a leaf floats onto it. don't hurt me please.
for i only exist because you say i do.
yes. yes yes yes. i am not dead and have yet to die, but i am living in my self as an entity within an entity hoping my outer side does not fall into thorned bushes that might poison the already decaying flesh that needs no more damage. my mind the candle within four glassed walls. and i, looking from the outside, wondering what miracle is sustaining the dancing flame for so long now.
it was gradual.
the way it slipped from my grasp and my conscience. they way it dissipated whenever i looked at my forlorn reflection in the broken shards. the way it mellowed to a whisper whenever i took calculated steps towards a realm in time and space to disappear. secretly i longed for the day which is unbecoming of my smile. constantly thinking of nothing. and how i wished i was nothing. the entity that is me, a waste of space existant in a place that will eventually crumble. so i finally know, and its at its end.
i have lost the desire, to desire.
it is when the city sleeps, that my peace is disturbed and my mind is at ease. viewing the world differently, but assuredly, everytime my pupils seem to lose their capabilities. at the cost of my ignorance, my mind struggles urging me.
pleading to me to step out
crawl out
shivering at the implosion
of the madness
move up dear one.
move my love.
don't just leave yet.
you have yet to seek or see me. you have yet to feel my presence and with that, you have yet to transcend this assumed impenetrable barrier you have created in place of, whicle searching for me. why do you force submission so easily. don't give up on me my love. i have not given up on you. why do you choose to exist seperately from me when the answers you seek so vehemently, i have only for you. accept me like i will you, and see with your eyes my experience. i guarantee you answers, and more chaos. since by yourself you have long left the state of ignorance the moment you were affected by the true nature of being enlightenend, you have already chosen this path. i only promise you a deeper understanding, not seclusion or serenity.
for that, you have you.
16 comments:
I found this, considering the fucking odds, its remarkable. Read through the post, you just might recognise something. Too close for comfort if you ask me.
Thank you for letting me know. I posted something for her as a comment. i doubt she'd care though. well, my words are worth copying i assume.
Intense and poignant, as always.
As for that person who deliberately copied your works, just wait and see what comes out of it.
hi. im realli sory if it offended u. my most sincere apology. but yes, ur words were so accurately written sumtimes it tells rigth thru how i am feeling.
then again, im realli sorry and wud reference it if im ever gonna use your words again.
and im referecing it now.
sorry again.
Beautiful as always.
I love the way it sounds so intense with emotion while refraining from embellishment. Amazing how you are so brilliant at creating vivid images which inject so much poignancy into your words.
Your style is so distinctive that I can easily tell it apart from others.
What makes you different makes you beautiful. :)
And since everyone is different, everyone is beautiful?
No ugly people? Child molesters differ from a Priests, but they must be beautiful.
Oh resist you cad. How impossible it is to resist. Looking at it, comparing child molesters and priests seems just wrong, nowadays they're all the same.
Venereal: I thank you for your comments. I've been following your blog now that i know about it, and its interesting right.. the moment we are allowed to question the norm we find ourselves in more misery. Welcome my friend, and i assure you, you have not only just begun, but began something that will never end.
Weitieng: Your apology makes me feel like i have done you harsh words. I appreciate your flattery truthfully and i hope you don't take it personally yes?
Miao: Much obliged maiden. I recently saw that you Had a blog, but i didn't have the opportunity to read it as you had ended its lifespan. I wonder why though, and what it held. Tell me yes?
And Prick: Leave Miao alone. (but essentially, you are right though.)
u're much too kind =)
but one thing i've alwys wondered - are u male / female???
silly question ...but i have to ask.. heheehh
Prick: Being different doesn't necessarily make you beautiful. Lol. I was only referring to Enelrahs. What makes him different makes him beautiful.
And your remark about priests and paedophiles is very incisive.
Anyway I stopped writing because I was suddenly overwhelmed with mental lethargy and there was a point in time when I just lost the inspiration and motivation to keep my blog alive. Just like what you said in your response to my comment on your previous entry, you had deprived yourself and your words, and my predicament was of the same nature. I may revive it after my 'A' Level exams though (damn those examinations).
Anyway it merely consisted of pseudo-philosophical musings and pointless ramblings and insipid contents.
Do not insult my intelligence, I do not take kindly to such people. Of course I knew you were referring to Enelrahs. I was asking questions with reference to that statement. If you had stopped with your first sentence, how wonderful it would have been. Alas, it is not as such.
Then again if you had stopped with the first sentence, I would have been 'incisive' still.
I do not understand this concept of 'keeping blogs alive'. There is no rule that says you have to keep posting. If you have lost the motivation and inspiration, just leave it be. Its not going to 'die'. Leave it be for a month, two months, ten fucking years, who cares really? Unless you find every single word you put down to be pointless and disgusting, then removing it would be justified. Your justification, is cowardly.
But like the knight in shining armour said, leave Miao alone. Don't worry, I'm just being anal, its been an asshole of a day. And oh Knight, can you not use 'Word Verification'? Its fucking pointless. I've never used it, and in maybe six months there's been just one spam comment. Its just a click to remove the comment. 'Word Verification' is just another pointless step we have to take in this pointless existence.
Dear Prick,
I didn't remove my past entries permanently. If I ever resume blogging I'll be using the same address again, and thus my archives will still be accessible to readers.
But you are essentially right anyway. I don't deny being a coward in more ways than one.
Good day to you. I do not doubt your intelligence, and it would be nice of you to continue being so incisive.
And do continue being cynical and sarcastic too (even though you would continue to be so without me asking you to anyway). The most incisive of people are always the most cynical.
I had a most interesting dream last night. In my dream I was looking a word up in the dictionary when I accidentally saw the word 'Enelrahs', and the definition provided by the dictionary was "A loner."
Interesting.
interesting, it is. a dream you say?
how apt. a definition for my separate egoistical characteristic. when i have sought many times for a definition to my alter ego, if you will.
and a loner at that. most times i think i am and most times people wish i am not.
a loner by choice, and a loner who is plagued by the lack of, it.
but a dream? you must think of me an awful lot. cue wink.
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