Hate is hate. Don't hate it.

i want to quit.

but sooner or later, i will fall into my own abyss. the one i created. and yet i will return to it for its comforts are far beyond material desires.

i am different now. i don't like me now. i like me before. the one who stayed motionless in the realms of my mind and surveyed people with no real intention.

i can hate. i can be evil. i can be more.
why do i need conscience and kindness. why do i so deliberately want to think about you, when in the end, no matter what the situation, i am the one at fault.

and yet at the brink of change i falter. i shiver to take the next step.

should i just trample on emotions as and when i feel so, because they are in my way? should i look out for myself first, then others?

this hesitance, has now given birth to a mirrored version of myself.

a being who hates everyone, and whose arrogance is starting to overflow limits to which control is no more a question. whose proposed intelligence is the catalyst for such behaviour. whose strength is utilised for forcing supression to the heart's messages.

and then, there are leftovers.

tattered remains of myself before the reasons for my diseased ridden pride and soul to split itself in annoyance and reflex to save my mind from turning onto itself.

if you would have me now, or before, you can never have me whole anymore.

i cannot be only yours. because now i am mine too.

and i am liking it.