Her eyes, her life, her plight, my wife.

She is crumbling in my arms
the smeared mascara that runs in my veins
once vibrant, her hair is brittle
as she falls into me

there is an infinite place in her head
a place where she cowers in shame
where she is free of all blame
where it's perfect for death to play

her eyes have lost its faith
the truth her eyes have betrayed
the life of the living damned
she is forced to portray

as young as she has been
she has always been old
all the beauty in the world
she had tried to mould

gone are the ways she can be forgiven
gone are the days in which death is forgotten
gone are all the Mays' in which we anticipate June
gone, says He, the one with providence

She defies me, for i am daring.

as far as i've gone
i haven't gone far
as near as you are
you always remain far

unfurling the crumpled paper to read the inevitable
yet she still looks at me softly
regret is fundamental to change
never for healing

gazing into the white screen of my movie

what is need? do i need you?

but why?

i've always returned to you
you've always waited for me
but, that was.

she wills me a look of defiance
i perceive what she conjures in restless dreams
she burns the code in me
she screams erratically

i dare you to
look at me
i dare you to
fall for me

i dare you.

all i have now,
is my will to be willed.

Memoir ice.

Memories start to flow. Overflow. Aching is too much to endure. Pain is on the inside. Pain inflicted on the outside is just exterior, but on the inside, excruciatingly starts at the centre and it escalates to the outer side making you feel it inside your bones. Makes you want to break down so hard you couldn’t stand up anymore. Inhuman magnitude of strength needed to subdue oneself from losing control, from losing their mind improbable.

I can’t forget. I don’t want to, for you are tattooed to my soul. I beg the divine powers that hold me down, to loosen the barb wire tied around my chest, piercing my skin, to help ease the pain on my wings. Bleeding is draining away my life source. Pandemonic dreams made out of you is erratic and violent. Deluge of explicit moments in time in which I have supposedly spent with you is the omni-present movie etched into my brain. So much fear is imminent the moment it gets dark because I am afraid to close my eyes. I am afraid to shut the light because I am afraid to fall into that disturbing and deep slumber. I am afraid to sleep because I am afraid to delve into the familiar places in my mind. Only reason being the montage of torture has been set to replay.

I only want to hold you in my arms, see you smile, to run my hand through you're hair, to smell you, to caress your smooth skin, to run my fingers down your neck and gradually to your luscious bosoms. To make you feel that you're wanted. I desire your acquiescence for my ardent behaviour to even the slightest bit of you. I hope to tell you that you are loved so hard that if I loved you any more, my heart would stop from the strain

Everything in this world needs a source of life. A source, for never ending energy. Yet everything in this world has a limited source of power that only lasts for a moment in the chronological order. Everything human made that is. For God, has made the human life source never ending. He has made a life source to keep one moving for the entirety of his life till expiration. However, he has set limitations knowing humans are not humble creatures. The only possible way to survive in bliss is to find The one. The only life source known to man for healing hurt, sharing joy, living life, sharing death.

I had found that source of energy in you. Don’t tell me you can’t because you already have. My body had easily accustomed to the new energy surging through my veins. It depended on that very life source, which is now absent. The sudden absence of a lifesource kills anything that requires one. Now deprived of your aura, I am wasting away gracefully. Ten days, ten months, ten years. What is time when you wish it not? Do not mock my existence with your disappearance.

While you’re away, pray for me.

For my departure, from the human limitations.

Treason of tears.

it has been some time a while ago
watching feet shuffle past
the rays of the sun shy away
cold wind is embraced in solitude

i am lost in my head
bleeding for a bosom bed
intent on suffering instead
gradually gaining on the dead

i have risen one too many times
they hurt me deeply, they wake me in my sleep
they rise above the flames while i am engulfed
left to burn in the overwhelming contempt

erratic nightmares pose as salvation
chaotic maze of dreamless dreams
the eyes are guilty of treason, with tears
left to accumulate excessively forming blood puddles

you'll be the first and last to know.

like a birth defect, twitching at the neck
rocking backward and forward on the cold floor
the fallacy of the fantasy is momentary epiphany
mumbling the last verse, "She'll never know."

are you mocking me?

i will be ignorant to the blind
i will smile at the stupidity of the intelligent
i will laugh at threats at my life
i will cry.

when you do.

Sweet beginnings.

my soul still drifts
but now deprived of salvation
with no depth or dreams
giving it starvation

the endless journey
begins once more
as the days i try to forget
hit me harder than before

when will i ever
begin to fathom or learn
for the days i would spend with you
i longingly yearn

the days
have grown longer
the nights
have become darker

the tears
ease the pain
the dreams
were in vain

i've kept you so safely
in my fragile heart
so long it has been
we've been apart

i can't bear the strain
the pain
i stare blankly each day
my sanity wanes

you've left me like a cherry blossom
when the wind blows
why have you forsaken me
what have you chose?